A Victim's Story
by Alfynumnums
Summary: A girl, telling a story about her life.


The moment you walk into the house, instantly head for a shower. Maybe you didn't even walk in, maybe the nearest window was your only option for a house like this. The shower, cold and disappointing. Although, makes you as clean as you can be. You still feel as dirty as you did before, but it washed away what you thought might be stuck to you forever. It will never go away, that feeling of disgust. Every day, the same thing happens, but with a different person. There's no one in this world that you trust anymore. The people who you are supposed to trust, are a victim of your lies. Lies, that make you who you are because if anyone knew who you really were, you'd be stuck in a world of repeating appointments, more than you already have.

Imagine walking through everywhere when you were five, not wanting anyone to touch you. Not wanting any physical contact, not even a hug from your own mother. Afraid and not willing to trust anyone accept for your best friend down the street. He, the only one who you can trust, because his fears was your reality. How about when you're eight. Wanting to leave your own house, thinking it will get yo away from everything that has been harming you, yet, walking away would cause more trouble. You've done it before, ran away, with the best friend you had since you were five. The one who's fears came true, as well as yours. You ran together, and hid under the neighbors car, because every morsel of human flesh was looking for you to pry into your immature brains. Not all was physical, but mental as well. Physical being the fact that you're afraid of even getting a hand raised to you. The streets filled with people who would love to take advantage, thus meaning you're a good target. Skinny, blonde, and a good looking one at that.

The day you turn 10, you move. Move far away from your only friend and become vulnerable to everything in your path. No one to look to and in fact, no one to even tell you it's going to be okay. No one to know exactly what you're going through, because if you told your parents, they were non believers at best. There was nothing to look forward to accept talking to the voices in your head that had soon appeared after the first instance of abuse. Hoping for the best, you believe the move will change everything. Maybe trusting people will be easier, here. Accept you find, watching your back doesn't have to happen here. You let down your guard. Letting down your guard was the wrong thing to do, made things worse. Vulnerability became a big issue.

Sixteen. Your birthday is coming up to your seventeenth year. You decide to meet some people on the internet, against your better judgment. They want to meet you, okay that seems harmless. You meet them, once you try to leave, they conquer you with fear. You can't move, or you'll get more hurt than they already made you. Fearing for your life, you let them slide. Doing what they came here to do. Not knowing that it was even their intentions, you slowly realize that this isn't the best way to complete yourself. All you're looking for is for someone to love you, but all you get through your entire life, is rape, molestation, and tiresome fighting and emotional suffering. It's not even the way you live your life. If this was your choice, you'd be out on your own making money the normal way, instead of what you've done when you were fourteen.

That moment where you touch your stomach, and feel a displeasing feeling. Not as you have a stomach ache, but as if maybe, something was growing inside you. The moment you think back, you can automatically think of what it could be. You were right. You remember, once he stole that one thing you kept as a treasure to yourself, he didn't even try to be careful. He was forceful and conceded. Thinking about himself only, even though he could gladly pay someone for the same services, or maybe even better ones, since yours was a struggle for him.

Thinking maybe it was your fault, because meeting people online wasn't the greatest idea, but you were desperate for that one thing that you never got. That one thing that you desperately urge to get. The one thing that you want, instead of getting it forced upon you and playing it over and over in your head. Getting played like a board game, non the less the way people throw you around like a rag doll.

You try a different approach. The one that you got taught was the right way to go. Living in a world with this as a big alternative, and easy to get it anywhere you go. You lower yourself to the level you said you never would, but it seems like it's the last resort. You crush it and put it in a line. You make it slither straight to your brain, making you hallucinate and make you feel on the top of the world. You get a good response from that, you try packing a green wad into a glass object they called a bowl. Not exactly what you thought. Although it was a temporary fix. You then decided to be like your father. Stealing drinks left and right, making your mother think your father is more of a drunk then he already is. Then heading to parties and getting even more of a rush. Although, you still felt that feeling in your stomach, you keep going. Not caring about anything else in the world accept for the new habits you happened to pick up over the desperation for the one thing you never got.

You enter a roll of clearance. You take a test showing that the one thing you thought was in your stomach is no longer in existence. Although you don't have a religion and you don't pray to god, you get down on your knees, and pray that nothing you have done has been a sin. The moment you open your eyes, you are faced with a bigger challenge. The way you want your life to be, this isn't it. So you quit your habits you've picked up and try to get your life back together.

The day you turn seventeen, you decide to change your world. Although it's hard, there's nothing else in the world that you want more than to be loved, and these things weren't having it. Your Junior year of high school, you find two friends. Two of which you can trust with anything, but yet you keep yourself enclosed into the cage you have made for yourself. You try to open up but yet, there's no use. Your mind is corrupting you with everything that has happened. Nothing in your life will change your mind. You once get the love you want, and you hold it for dear life. Once you hold it, you have to let it go. You held too tight, and suffocated it. No other thing in the world is worse than finally finding the love you've been looking for, and smothering it to the ground like you never thought you would.

After finding out you've been through enough, you continue trying to find a way to love yourself. Inserting objects into your skin hoping for a result of relief. You heat them up, sharpen the tip and release. Nothing seems to work. You get angry. Nothing seems to be working. You go back into the cycle of things, again, making a line and getting the relief of temporary happiness. You then, get into a situation where it gets a lot worse. You come home with a black eye and a slit down your face. Good thing you've been training for this because you would have ended up like the others.

You fight your way through life, literally. Until now, you've done it so much that you leave with only a scratch. There's no one in the world that can mess with you, that you wouldn't fight with. Protecting your friends is your only hope, and the way you do it, they don't approve of. You feel them slipping away yet you still continue to sacrifice yourself every day. Coming back through that same door you snuck back into when you were younger. Heading straight to the dungeon you call your room, and cry yourself to sleep. Not making you weak, but stronger for the next day ahead.


End file.
